Sometimes life is like a big hairy chestnut.
Okay. So it's not the best analogy in the world but I'm using what's around me to talk about what's inside me.
Somewhere within this big hairy life of mine is a sweet - and nutty - centre. (Not unlike my own centre.) I'm trying to remember that as I deal with some big hairy stuff this week. Don't get me wrong. My stuff is actually small in the great scheme of things. I (always, always) acknowledge how lucky I am to be angsting only about the occasional failure or question mark or black mood, rather than famine or flood or disease. But the small things still hurt. And this week I've been hurting.
I fell for the wrong guy and got rejected in a raw, painful, capital letters, R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D kinda way. It's been a while and I forgot how much that shit hurts. I know how it hurts to fight for it and not be able to save it. I know how it hurts to lose it. I know how it hurts to screw it up. But to have it right there in front of me, to see and taste and feel it, and then have it pulled out from under me. Yep. That shit hurts.
These moments make it tempting to give up on love. To say no way, too hard. But I refuse. I'm gonna keep on feeling it, keep on chasing it, remain open to it. And I invite y'all to do the same. Don't let rejection or cynicism or cowardice defeat you.
Oh, and do something sweet with those big hairy chestnuts...
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Lulu's chocolate & hazelnut torte
½ cup castor sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon brandy
280g can chestnut spread or puree
½ cup self-raising flour
1 cup cream
90g dark chocolate
1 cup cream, extra
60g chocolate, extra
Beat egg yolks, sugar and vanilla together until thick and creamy. Add brandy and ½ cup chestnut spread (reserving remaining for filling). Lightly fold in sifted flour and mix thoroughly. Beat egg whites until soft peaks form and gently fold into cake mixture.
Spread cake mixture evenly into two prepared 8-inch round sandwich pans. Bake in a moderate oven, 20-25 minutes.
Melt 90g chocolate, cool slightly, then spread evenly on flat side of each cake. Whip 1 cup cream and fold in remaining chestnut spread, then spread on flat side of 1 of the cakes. Sandwich together.
Refrigerate cake until cooled, then serve with remaining whipped cream and grated chocolate.
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